You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
