Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
