i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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