Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
