Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
