i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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