The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
