There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
