He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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