Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
