Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
