I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
