my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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