i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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