he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
