No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
