he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
