The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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