About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize