"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
