I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
