She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
