so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
