the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
