Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
