did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
FUCK WHALES
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
