Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
