Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
