no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
