I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize