the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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