i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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