I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
People in love make me want to vomit
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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