Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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