I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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