i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
