You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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