Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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