Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
