Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
