Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
