just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
