he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
