Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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