i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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