dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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