i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
