she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.