I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
