Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation