The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's always time for handjobs
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.