It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
