i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
