Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
