Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
