That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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