is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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