First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
