No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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