well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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