you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
