She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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