I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
