Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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