It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
