You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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