she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
