We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
