Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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