Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
