My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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