me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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