Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
