hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
