I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
