I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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