9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
