I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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