I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
