this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
