let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
