end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
