dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.