i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.