I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."