dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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