the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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